A question about cutting.

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paul06660
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A question about cutting.

Post by paul06660 »

So lately I have been dealing with morbid thoughts going through my head telling me to cut up my arms with a razor. I have never had thoughts before about harming myself and I believe emoism and suicide is for pussies. I am not doing any drugs except for the occasional pot smoking.

I have a good idea there is something at work that is causing this. Keep in mind, I work 40 hours a week on top of being a full time student. I am doing well in school getting all A grades. But lately a lot of bullshit is been going on at work. It seems as if our management has forgotten how to treat employees with proper respect, often pushing us to our mental and physical limits. It is common to go 7 hours before getting a break, sometimes you dont get one at all. We also tend to get fucking crazy busy a lot and our store is nothing but complete chaos and disorder, with noise levels that rival a construction site. This has led to an 80 percent employee turn over rate in their first month. But I do not have the time to go out and look for another job. Sometimes I am lucky to even have 10 hours between shifts.

The other day, I had to deal with a manager at work trying to write me up for something I did not say. She outright called me a liar, even after two fellow employees and another manager backed me up. Before I knew it, I told her I was going to cut the McDonald's arches into my arm with a knife. I did not consciously intend to say it, but it felt and looked like I meant it.
Now this has me wondering what exactly is causing these thoughts. I cannot afford to go see a doctor and must narrow down what exactly is causing this. Any legitimate thoughts or suggestions?
Also, I do not want to buy the McDonald's health insurance. I hear most of these doctors work in favor of the company.
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GlassCurtain
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by GlassCurtain »

How's the sleep situation? Your mind can go all kinds of crazy due to sleep deprivation. That coupled with stress...
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SubLunar
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by SubLunar »

DO IT
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SubLunar
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by SubLunar »

I was working 50-60 hour weeks at a time with 2 jobs. My car was broken down more than it ran. I had no heater for about 5 years, which meant that as I breathed, the window would fog and I'd have to scrape the inside with an ice scraper. I was always getting pulled over and harassed because my car was an 80's g-body and I guess it looked suspicious. I went to school part time until I finally took the risk to go on unemployment and finished out full time. I was intoxicated much of the time that I wasn't at work. Yet I made 3.8 GPA and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I came home every day to find a party in my house, often with people I didn't know and I'd have to do homework in the middle of all that. I still explored a lot and played/wrote music in the very few moments of free time that I had.

Do you spend most of your off-time playing video games or watching movies? Do you get out of the house and ride a bike or hike or anything?
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Kit
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by Kit »

McDonald's health insurance would not have doctors that work for them... they should be part of a group that would either be Cox or Mercy. You then should be able to pick your own doctor from that Hospital Group. What do you think the McDonald's doctors would do? Not treat you because you work for McDonalds? That part really confused me. But I really think you should look into that and talk to someone professional. You might also call Burrell (761-5555) or the Forrest Institute (417) 823-3477 and see if they have any programs that would be able to help you.

That Burrell number is probably your best bet.
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redox
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by redox »

Sounds like possible symptoms of borderline personality disorder. There is treatment for this through behavioral therapy and counseling. I'm sure your health plan has to cover an evaluation/treatment. Go make an appointment, things could get worse. I'm no shrink, but I have had a lot of psych classes, including abnormal psychology. If you had a neglected or abusive childhood, it is possible you could have tendencies toward this disorder.
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Mandi Milenko
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by Mandi Milenko »

I have had some shit happen in life that would make a normal person have some mental health issues. But I don't really. I honestly think it's all the pot I smoke...

I used to cut myself when I was younger. I still have "Scott" carved slightly in my ankle, and I don't even really remember who he was. lol. I also tattooed a heart on my hand with pen ink and a safety pin when I was in juvi. It's still there. I was a messed up kid. But for some reason, weed does so much more for me than any medicine I was ever prescribed back then.

Not that I'm telling you to smoke more pot or anything... :D

Oh, and McDonalds sucks. I worked there for three days and they never gave me a break for the 8 hours I worked each day. Not even for 10 minutes. I said "fuck you" and got a job at a hotel as a housekeeper. Screw fast food.
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Nicotti
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by Nicotti »

Depending on what college you are going to, they may have free health care for some things and free counselors to talk to. I know MSU has both.
More online investigation than onsite exploration these days.

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paul06660
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by paul06660 »

I am starting to think most of these thoughts are being caused primarily by my job. Possibly even the food as well. My college does offer free health care, but it is based in Phoenix, AZ which makes going there difficult.
I think I am going to find a different, less insane workplace and stop eating that garbage they serve.
We are all just sloguns waiting to have our triggers pulled.
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Nicotti
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by Nicotti »

Get a night job at a retail store as a shelf-stocker, those are sweet & easy jobs.
More online investigation than onsite exploration these days.

“My dear fellow, who will let you?”
“That’s not the point. The point is, who will stop me?”
-Ayn Rand
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Kit
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by Kit »

Call Burrell and food does not make you think about cutting yourself.
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DeathByMoth
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by DeathByMoth »

Dude, you seem serious. I wasn't sure if you were just fucking around at first.

I have to agree with reddox, these symptoms do typically arise from a feeling of abandonment, generally from caretaker neglect. If you don't have a strong feeling of security, or feel, justifiably, like you've been wronged by a parent or comparably close loved one, it can cause self-destructive behavior. Often these will manifest as addiction, ongoing abusive relationships, or self mutilation.

Do more fulfilling things. I was bullied a lot in school, and I coped with that by constantly messing with weapons. Improving and bettering myself led me to feel more confident, and feeling more self-worth. My parents didn't give much of a shit about me when I was a kid, so I learned to create strong, meaningful relationships with people. Those people help show you that you are important to others, and that your existence is relevant. I'm sure you see what I'm trying to say, bettering yourself is an effective way to cope with the shittiness of people and life.

Do you have many friends? Like, people to just chill out and smoke with, or watch adult-swim? Because that can also be very therapeutic. Mandi brings up a valid point, smoking is an effective way to unwind and de-stress without the dangerous physical or social withdrawals that come with alcohol or prescription medications. It's also a great social activity. If you ever need somewhere to just chill out and smoke, feel free to send me a PM.

And good luck with shit man, I hope I helped.
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by liesreality »

I would definately change jobs if you can. Job definately seems to be getting to you along with probably some other factors. :?

Hang in there!!! :D
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RE: A question about cutting.

Post by The Count »

If you use a dull knife it will hurt more than a sharp razor, I used to cut and I used to use a dull knife just so I could feel the pain more.

But I don't recomend it, heard pot works tho.
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Twail Wetard
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Re: A question about cutting.

Post by Twail Wetard »

Branding. It's a good amount of pain
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