OMG Hell's Church is front page NewsLeader

[horrorshow chelloveck]

There's been some great comments on Springfield News Leader's forum relating to the story. One particular post stood out to me. As follows:


icomeanon

Joined: 05 Dec 2007
Posts: 1

Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:59 pm Post subject: WUTLOL!!!1111

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This is probably the stupidest thing I have read since LCW attention-whoring Facebook notes.
Honestly, how is this news?
Dirk VanderHart, shame on you.
When LCW went to Central, she had no friends. 0. People did try to be nice to her, to talk to her, but the girl was crazy.
She bit me Freshman year (so would she be 11?) because I called her a "whore" when she wore a two inch long Japanese school girl skirt and knee high black boots. She said the most immature, stupid comments, that made me even wince. Keep in mind, there are a lot of stupid people at Central, and I can usually take the stupidity. This girl just broke down my idiot-proxies and made me suffer all the way through a year U.S. History Honors.

I estimate she bit a total of five people. There are probably more. I distinctly remember a time when she cast a "fire curse" on one of my friends (a bite victim, hopefully he can still eat garlic) when he said that she needed to grow up. Oh yeah, she hissed at everyone. It made people uncomfortable. We wished she would leave us alone so we could enjoy the miserable years of our adolescence without being cursed by some lvl. 4 fire Mage casting "Hiss" and hoping to score +5 Attention.

So she left Central and went to Greenwood. Still, her friends consisted of one Goth-kid. I don't know for sure, but I think it's safe to assume they wrote Emo-poems together and talked about how miserable their lives were while sipping $5 drinks at the Mudhouse.

Her attention-whoring has always been evident. I'm a smart person. I have an IQ of 163. I am bilingual. I take classes at Drury. I am considered a comic, so as all comics do, I hate myself. If someone walked up to me and said I was the vampire king, would I be utterly convinced? Absolutely. I would also invest in deposed Nigerian rulers and plan on being an electric arc welder. This is all because I am smart and read lots of books, so I would surely be suckered into vampirism. Tool.

How could one honestly believe a word this girl says? She is so scared of being caught by renegade vampires (READ: People made of fail and mom's basements, with a twist of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season II, shaken and served with a slice of high school dropout) YET she still has an active Facebook. She basically said everything about herself in the article except the location of one birthmark and the last four digits of her social security number. When interviewing her, didn't you think to yourself, "What the hell is wrong with this girl?", Mr. Dirk VanderHart?

Come on. I'm in high school journalism. I am desperate for stories. Yet if I come across a moron (READ: 99% of the student population of Springfield, MO) that absolutely CANNOT speak in a complete sentence, do I dump that interview and find a new story if need be? You bet I do.

Let's re-cap. A front page story done on an attention-whore. LCW was known to cast fire spells and bounced off the walls with disgusting Japanese school girl skirts and knee high black boots. She also hissed. She was "smart" and a "prodigy" (please note, I nearly crapped my pants I was laughing so hard at this. She got Cs, Ds, and Fs in Biology because no one would let the little weirdo copy their papers) who had to drop out of Drury because she feared reprisal from a shadowy underworld of Vampires.

These vampires roam the streets of Springfield (after their McDonald's shifts are over) hunting for people to bum cigarettes off of (this is a fact, I never let those square rats have one of my Blacks) and for homeless cats that have the privilege of being in a vampire ritual.

LCW and her Mom are the perfect family, torn asunder by this organization that rivals the Masons AND the Catholic Church AND Al Qaeda COMBINED. LCW goes to the tunnels (AKA the Acid Tunnels, called this because of the colorful graffiti that adorns the walls. If you're lucky, you may also catch a glimpse of the elusive Asian hobo hunkering out there as well. Mostly you'll find downtown kids with nothing better to do than waste their night in the sewer because "OMG U GUISE WE R SOOO COOL!!!!!1111") so she can take part in the super-secret rituals involving blood-licking and sheer-utter-stupidity.

Finally being cured of Vampirism by the brave vampire hunters of the SPPD (who caught her by mistake when they were ticketing cars going six miles over the speed limit), LCW realized that the vampires were after her. She refuses to allow someone to take her picture, and talks about how the vampires are coming after her on lame Facebook notes that no one cares to read.

Finally this makes the front page. Out of all the fluff stories imaginable, this made it.

Kudos News-Leader!

[Willard]

Good lord, I hope this bull shit dies down soon... it's only been two days and I've had more than enough... and I've grown quite annoyed now... I say we make a plan to patrol the tunnle every so often to keep debris out of Hell's Church.

[cobcob]

That's more entertaining than the actual article!

[Nemophilist]

Good lord, I hope this bull shit dies down soon... it's only been two days and I've had more than enough... and I've grown quite annoyed now... I say we make a plan to patrol the tunnle every so often to keep debris out of Hell's Church.

For some reason, that statement gives me the most wonderful mental image of a bunch of us running through the tunnel pelting hobos and borderline retarded
"vampires" with paintball guns. (And no, I'm not making fun of you, I actually like your idea)

I also agree that this should have died a long time ago. Just reading the story and imagining how much of a stupid bitch this girl must be makes my head hurt. And then you have to factor in the shitstorm whipped up just for one little drama whore who already obviously has the "Hey everyone look at me, see how special I am!!!" thing going on on a massive level.

[Kit]

We wished she would leave us alone so we could enjoy the miserable years of our adolescence without being cursed by some lvl. 4 fire Mage casting "Hiss" and hoping to score +5 Attention.


These vampires roam the streets of Springfield (after their McDonald's shifts are over)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i really did LOL hard at those two.

I have to agree that was a better artical.

[Nicotti]

For some reason, that statement gives me the most wonderful mental image of a bunch of us running through the tunnel pelting hobos and borderline retarded "vampires" with paintball guns. (And no, I'm not making fun of you, I actually like your idea)

I also agree that this should have died a long time ago. Just reading the story and imagining how much of a stupid bitch this girl must be makes my head hurt. And then you have to factor in the shitstorm whipped up just for one little drama whore who already obviously has the "Hey everyone look at me, see how special I am!!!" thing going on on a massive level.

It made me think of the "comb the desert" scene in Spaceballs.

Somehow I think it was the mom that got this into the paper, she seems to me to be the most attention seeking person in the article. I doubt that her being removed from her teaching position was cause she just metioned the story to her coworkers. But I agree with the general consensus that the story is sensationalistic crap and had no business being anywhere near the front cover of any respectable newspaper.

[Kong_2006]

Good lord, I hope this bull shit dies down soon... it's only been two days and I've had more than enough... and I've grown quite annoyed now... I say we make a plan to patrol the tunnle every so often to keep debris out of Hell's Church.

For some reason, that statement gives me the most wonderful mental image of a bunch of us running through the tunnel pelting hobos and borderline retarded
"vampires" with paintball guns. (And no, I'm not making fun of you, I actually like your idea)

I also agree that this should have died a long time ago. Just reading the story and imagining how much of a stupid bitch this girl must be makes my head hurt. And then you have to factor in the shitstorm whipped up just for one little drama whore who already obviously has the "Hey everyone look at me, see how special I am!!!" thing going on on a massive level.

Veruth Said Bitch He He He...

Seriously I Agree With The Hobo Bashing Fun Time.
We Seriously Ran In To Some Stupid Ass People Going Into The Tunnel... And I Doubt The Where Vampires.

And Veruth Is Correct This Little Girl Is A Pain In My Ass Holes...It All For Attention. FUCK Man!

[Kong_2006]

It made me think of the "comb the desert" scene in Spaceballs.

We Ain't Found Shit!

lol.

[jammer_smith]

Well.....I really think the worst that could happen is that Hell's Church would get bricked up.....I think that's the worst......but there is another possibility....and I don't think this will happen, but it is possible.....Maybe the additional attention to this website and therefore the locations on this website will lead to more of them being watched, torn down, or bricked up....just a possibility.....

I think it would be a good idea to keep the Church cleared out tho...I agree with Willard....but I sure as heck aren't gonna volunteer to haul all that crap outta there. Last time I was down there, before the tent went up...there were a couple of backpacks, bank statements, notebooks, daily planners.....I dunno about you guys....but If I am doing something of questionable legality I wouldn't leave my bank statements and backpacks and day planners down there....Hell's Church isn't mainstream, but it's sure as heck not a secret....especially not now.

[Curor]

And Veruth Is A Pain In My Ass Holes...It All For Attention. FUCK Man!

wait, you have more than 1?

[gimpface]

Eh, I wouldn't worry about all the crap down there. Eventually, somebody will set it all on fire the way they did awhile back. It's the circle of life!

[Nicotti]

....but I sure as heck aren't gonna volunteer to haul all that crap outta there.

...shopping carts are for carrying more than just BBQ supplies...

[cobcob]

Hmmmm... Drove past the shrine mosque this morning and it prompted me to realize that this whole fiasco is probably just staged to give more hype to the Rob Zombie show tonight...

[David Keetz]

....you know...bricking up hells church probably isn't the worst thing that could happen.

it might even be the best thing that could happen. With all the idiots that go down there and now......this literary load of garbage on the front page of our newspaper...(which is really helping us get away from the backwoods image of this part of the world ) ....it might be best that the place gets bricked up before underground explorers get targeted as delinquents.

Even if it was bricked up...we would know it's there and any new urban explorers could be told about it....maybe in a few years once all the nonsense dies down some brave explorer would tear the bricks away and it'd be a new find.

But right now i don't even see how that place qualifies as a real adventure.
maybe it's just old hat to me and I hate seeing the pictures of it looking like that in the newspaper....the place looks like a freakin landfill now.

[horrorshow chelloveck]

You think there would be a way to at least block it off part of the way, or make the enterance less obvious? One of the first things that could be done is getting rid of that wooden platform that's sitting there. That totally gives it away, especially with the picture in the Newsleader.