ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Urban exploration in Arkansas
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LevyRat
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ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by LevyRat »

just for fun, anybody got some interesting stories of failed UE excursions? we've been working and drinking alot lately so we haven't done any exploring in quite some time. not to mention my companion seems to have a phobia of cold weather. bats he can do. spiders are no problem. bums with weapons he can just as well laugh at. but the temperature drops under 60 and he punks out like a guy wearing eyeshadow in jail.
one good warm day and we were off to the northern ass end of searcy to a town called bradford in search of an UNEXPLORED cave system on land owned by a guy who could care less what anyone does there. this cab driver i know goes deer hunting up there and gave me specific directions to the entrance. he never went in becuase the entrance is small and, well, he reallllllyyy isn't. really nice guy, but a little hefty. fluffy even.
in any case, we drove on up there in my ford taurus with assurances that my car, rolling on a donut and dragging part of the exhaust system mind you, could take the roads. got lost when we hit bradford. i have a full page of written instructions that took 45 minutes to take down and i couldn't find my own ass with two hands and a flashlight at this point. god love the fine people who deal with me standing over the counter confused and begging direction in gas stations and grocery stores in the middle of nowhere. blessed are the clerks, dammit.
so we got back on track after an hour of misdirection caused by very specific instruction and took a left off the road in a town called, get this, possum grape. at the possum grape liquor store and market. i heard a clang under the car and though i knew exactly what it was, i still looked and sure enough, big blackened metal thing had fallen off in the parking lot. didn't care. didn't need it anyway. now i can lie and say my car is a diesel because it sounds like a mack truck now.
so we were looking for an abandoned house made out of rocks. after seeing 6 houses made out of rocks, all of which were very much lived in, and driving through the hills for an hour, we called the cabbie. he told us we were right on track. more hills, more rock houses, more guys with misshapen heads on their front porches playing banjos and shit. lots of that and no more pavement. then pavement. then no pavement. alot of time and gas money had passed and i was beginning to get annoyed. almost as annoyed as the people in my car had been for the last two hours. we were about ready to just up and scrap the whole idea as we noticed we coming into a whole new town, if it could be called that. we saw alot of old abandonded storm cellars and decided we would make the most of the location and check them out. we might just find some ruby slippers or a dead yorkie terrier. seemed like fun.
i was looking for a place to turn around and as we rounded a corner, a marshall passed us. with my out of state plates and resounding tailpipe, we knew he was coming back around and sure enough, he did.
he said something was dragging under my car and as he was running my license and the i.d.'s of my two companions, i got under the car and be began the tedious process of trying to wire some odd little piece of metal back to where it was supposed to go using nothing but bare hands and a guitar string. punk rock, baby.
cop comes back and tells me my license is cancelled. so i understandably said, "um....what?"
and the other levy rat had warrants in north little rock.
"um.....what?"
and the only other person didn't have a license.
so as my best friend is in the back of a cop car waiting to see if he would get extradited for a 20 dollar parking ticket, this very understanding county marshall checked my i.d. a litle further and found out that my license was good, all a misunderstanding with this motorcycle permit i used to have. a few minutes later he found out that no, a 20 dollar parking ticket was not grounds for extradition through 3 counties.
all was well again and we even got a killer picture of a levyrat in the cop car. and we were about to leave all smiles and joking with the cop when he said, "well before you go, can i go ahead and check your insurance and registration too?" he had forgotten to do this earlier in all the weirdness. sure, why not, my stuff is legal. i keep it in my wallet so it won't get stolen from my car. hey, i live in a bad nieghborhood. and somewhere back in that bad nieghborhood, somewhere in my house, at the bottom of a drawer, under two cell phones, a c.d., a map of little rock, 3 flashlights, some jewelry, and a pornographic magazine, my wallet sat idle. god was laughing at me. the cop was not.
i was rifiling through all my stuff trying to find something, anything to prove i was legal. i had a manilla envelope in the back that had some insurance paperwork and might have had a copy of my registration and i triumphantly presented it on what was a very windy day.
god laughed a little more.
so i was chasing my insurance papers down a lonely road in the middle of nowhere, my mohawk flapping in the breeze, my friends in the car and the police standing there watching me as he was trying to keep a straight face. some car passed just as i was stomping on the paper to keep it from blowing away any more and it occured to me how odd this might have looked to the locals. by the time i walked back to car, the cop didn't even care anymore. hell, that was probably the most excitment he's had on that beat in months.
well, we kept on following the road we were on and made it to civilization in ten minuites. we made it home unscathed but the whole day was a ridiculous waste of time and an uncomprimising failure. still, kinda funny in retrospect.
Give a man fire, and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
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FiReDiVeR
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by FiReDiVeR »

That's a good story, quite funny I might add.
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by Hiccup »

you know, any other time, id glance and see a post that long and totally ignore it, but yours kept my attention. that was fun :P
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by gimpface »

I enjoy reading about the suffering of others. Excellent!
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by BRANDOFLUCK »

That was a hell of a day. You should take the cabbie out there and leave him somewhere. Or make him show you the cave and leave him in it.
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RE: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by LevyRat »

yeah, i was worried people wouldn't want to read that much story and i only intended to put down just the bare bones of the story but it kinda got away from me. sadly, i have no internet at home and i have to surf WiFi at this coffee shop.
i blame that post entirely on juan valdez and his trusty goat. oh yes...there was muy cafe in those keystrokes. so much coffee in fact, i left the coffee shop after writing all that and volunteered for a shift on my day off at work. when i got off, i went to waffle house and had more coffee, got into both deep and shallow conversations, drank more coffee, saw the sun come up, and by damned, now i'm back at the coffee shop. can anyone guess what i bought?
it starts with a 'c', ends with an 'e', and it's not cake.
Give a man fire, and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by LevyRat »

okay i lied.
it was cake.
:D
Give a man fire, and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
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Re: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by White Rabbit »

Dude... Post the picture of the Levyrat in the cop car :)
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RE: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by Willard »

Yeah! I wanna see! I wanna see!
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RE: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by LevyRat »

sorry guys, tried to get the picture but it seems our other companion on the trip isn't talking to us. something to do with alcohol and nudity and alot of other things. too much drama everyone, sorry. and i really wanter a copy of that too. in a wierd kind of way that story seems slightly more dismal to me now. eh, it'll be funny to me later.
Give a man fire, and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
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LevyRat
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RE: ridiculous wastes of time and uncomprimising failure

Post by LevyRat »

No no, we will have it. We're just waiting for her to have internet. I'm sure she is still peeved off at me over the whole alcohol thing our professional vagrant mentioned, but we will have the photo none the less.
Give a man fire, and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
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